After I finished two chapters, I thought that the connection is quite important, especially when you are speaking in the stage in front of audiences. And today, my reading-notes are about the chapter three: Connecting Goes Beyond Words.

Mind Map for Connecting Goes Beyond Words

All of us know that we need to learn connect with others, but how? In this chapter, the auther shares some answers with us. And the words are powerful, but not universal. So we need to learn how to go beyond the words.


Firstly, please think a situation. For a same thing, what difference between the first did and the second did. May different, right? Let me give you an example, you work with a co-worker, the boss make both of you let the doorman clean the floor. If you were the first person to do it, that is quite easy, but if you were the second, only… hahaha… So why? Actually, I don’t have a correct answer, and this question is desreved to think.

When we communicate with others, there are three important components can be felt derictly, which are Words, Tone Of Voice and Body Language.


Secondly, there also three key words help us clearify, how to make an effective connection.

Thought: About what we know.

Emothion: About what we feel.

Action: About what we do.

Please read those situationses under here.

Something I know but do not feel, my communication is dispassionate.

Something I know but do not do, my communication is theoretical.

Something I feel but do not know, my communicaton is unfounded.

Something I feel but do not do, my communication is hypocritical.

Something I do but do not know, my communication is presumptuous.

Something I do but do not feel, my communication is mechanical.

So what if we miss at least one of the components, the communication is not that effectively. And both audience and speaker feel exhausted and tired.

However, what if we make a connection includ all of the components, the connection is conviction, passionate, and credibility. And both audience and speaker feel comfortable.

Any message you try to convey must contain a piece of you.

Contain ourselves into the message could make a great connection with audience. If we say something we didn’t feel, but heard, that’s helpless. Just like I do my speech, If I deliver something only by words, but without my real feeling or my experience, must boring. So, that’s why a good speech usually with few own-experience or a main story.  

If we want to put more components in our communication, we’d better have a sincerely attitude. We can try to add our experience or stories from our live or heart, can let the listeners feel valuable and helpful.


Thirdly, I am going to tell you Four-Levels to go beyond the words, which are Visually, Intellectually, Emotionally, and Verbally.

If your face is going to talk for you anyway, you might as well have it communicate something positive.

Actually, visually means what the audience see, include facial expression, body language, guesture, movement, also our inner energy like confidence.

The facial expressions and body language are the most directly two, so we’d better smile more, use more nature bodylanguage.

When you find yourself, you find your audience.

Intellectually means understand. We try to understand ourselves and our project. Make our project easily understand and find ourselves are useful ways in connection.

Expecially, when we find ourselves, we believe ourselves, we feel our experience are valuable, we want to share our experience to help audience grow up, then the audiences are appeared.

People may hear your words, but they feel your attitude.

Emotionally means feel. Try to arouse audiences’ empathy and link to their feeling. And charisma is a function of attitude, and we’d better make the audience feels what we felt. Deliver more emotions from our heart.

What you speak so loudly that I can’t hear what you say.

Verbally means hear. Words are mattered, but what if we just focus on the words, that’s wrong. So how to say it? Say it with our own style, own story, own experience and own feeling, then we connect with audience.


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